Let Him be strong for you

"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong." 

~2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

As I've already said numerous times, I wrestled with God.  I mean, I've REALLY battled with Him.  What in the world was He trying to do?  However, in this battle, I didn't want to let myself fall.  I didn't want to fall apart.  I didn't want to fall apart for my husband, my family, my students, or my friends.  So I fought through those intense feelings of a broken heart.  At school, I wouldn't let myself cry.  And if I did, you knew it was going to be behind closed doors.  I tried not to cry at home in front of anyone.  Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.  I tried not to let it show that anything bothered me.  I put on a happy face most of the time because that was who I always was.  I wasn't depressed, but I sure didn't feel like myself.  It wasn't easy always trying to be strong.

Eventually trying to be strong was too much.  I remember breaking down and crying out to a dear friend of mine.  I remember telling her, "I just can't do it anymore!  I'm so tired of being strong!  I'm worn out!  I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!"  I don't know what I was expecting her to say, but what she did say was not what I expected.  She looked at me with the deepest sincerity in her eyes and simply said..."Let Him be strong for you."  Wow!  God was speaking through her!  I was trying to be strong.  Again I say...I was trying to be strong.  But I wasn't able to be strong.  I didn't have it in me.  Of course I couldn't do it on my own!  Looking back on it, I believe God didn't want me to have the strength to do it on my own.  He wanted me to be on at that point of weakness, so all I needed was Him.  He wanted me to LET Him be strong for me.  He didn't expect me to be strong on my own.  If I was able to, I wouldn't need Him.  So...well-played, God...well-played :)

I recently read a post from Kayla Lemmon's blog entitled "God will give you more than you can handle: I guarantee it."  If you haven't read this, I highly encourage you to do so (http://lemmonythings.com/2014/01/05/god-will-give-you-more-than-you-can-handle-i-guarantee-it/).  Her message is so spot-on.  Many people have told me since last April that God will never give you more than you can handle.  It was very sweet of them to say for encouragement, but it never comforted me.  I didn't know why it didn't until I read Kayla Lemmon's blog.  And it fits perfect with what my friend had told me.  This journey has taught me that God does give you more than you can handle, both physically and mentally.  I truly believe God wanted me to be that weak to the point where I needed Him so badly.  And when I gave up trying to do everything on my own and allowed God to carry me, the relief I felt was indescribable.  It allowed the hope to fill my heart again.  As 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 tells us, "But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong."  By giving up trying to be strong, I actually became stronger.  I became stronger in Him.  And there has been many times since then when I feel I just can't handle it...Almost every morning I pray to God to help me through the day because I know I can't do it on my own.   But God reminds me that He is just what I need to give me strength.  I'm reminded that I need Him at all times, in every part of my life.

God calls us to call on Him in these times in our life when we are falling apart.  When we feel we can't do this anymore.  When we feel He has given us more than we can handle on our own.  He wants us to long for Him.  As my sweet friend once told me...Let Him be strong for you!  For when you are weak, then you are strong :)