A Ride Through the Daily Thoughts of a Woman During IVF

Buckle up...

Oh no, the alarm.  Twenty minutes until shot #1.  I hope I get that needle in at the right angle.  Sure hurt last time.

Shower, I love you!  I sweated up a storm last night.  Night sweats, come on.  I probably shouldn’t shave my legs today.  Can I get an infection from an ultrasound if I shave my legs?  Okay, you’re being irrational.  Shave your legs.  Wait, maybe I shouldn’t, just to be safe.  

A wonder what the weather will be like today?  Beautiful day!  Crap, I better wear pants.  I didn’t shave my legs.  Probably should wear black though.  You never know what happens after an ultrasound!  Loose pants.  My stomach is bloated and sore.  Too bad the only pants that feel good are in the wash.  Leggings!  Can I wear the same outfit I wore two days ago?  I felt comfortable in that.  Ugh, who cares.

Reminder, shot time!  Okay, wash your hands.  Oh no, I just touched the handle to the fridge without a paper towel.  Rewash hands.  Can we say paranoid?  

Alright, schedule says 1 cc of Menopur.  Do I put air in the syringe first, or is there already air in this one?  Oh wait, this is the one where it’s like an act of God to mix.  Bring on the directions again.  Wipe all vials with an antibacterial wipe.  Focus, focus, focus.  Mix this right!  Alright, make sure to not poke your finger.  Wipe your skin.  Hold your breath!  Poke.  &*@#& that hurts!  Now, shot #2.  This one is easy, done this many times.  Air, push, draw out, poke, push.  Let’s get ready now.

I really feel like crap.  I’ll just bring my breakfast for later.

Yes, I have five extra minutes before I need to get on the road.  I have time to kiss my loves good-bye.  I sure hope this all will give her a sibling.

I am so tired!  My stomach hurts.  Well, suck it up.  Only one more week, one more week.  Put on your audiobook.  Stop thinking.  Only two hours until we’re at the doctor.

You know, this is totally worth it.  When we see that positive pregnancy test, I wonder how we will feel!  Wait a second, what if it’s negative?  I wonder how I’ll feel?  Wait, what if our embryos don’t grow and we have nothing to transfer?  Wait, what if the meds don’t even grow my eggs enough to retrieve?  Okay, stop thinking.  I’m sure the meds are working.  My stomach sure feels like something is growing in there.  Beautiful sunrise today!  Is that person really going to work this early? 

Okay, if this appointment only takes 20 minutes, I’ll be back on the road soon.  Let’s get this ultrasound done.  Hmmm, the ovaries look like bigger honeycombs today.  That must be good.  Whew, doc says we don’t need to add extra meds!  I have to draw blood now?  I HATE NEEDLES TODAY!

I could really use some caffeine for the ride home.  Starbucks.  Oh yeah, not supposed to have much caffeine.  Well, I can have one.  You know, I just better not.  I wonder if my daughter made it to school okay?  My students should be doing their daily math right about now.  I wonder if they had trouble with question #2.  Why am I crying now?  Get it together.  

I should have worn the looser pants today.  Uncomfortable!  Did I take the right amount of the shots this morning?  I know I followed those instructions.  I can’t believe we could be having a baby in a few weeks!  That is such a surreal thought.  What if this doesn’t work though?

Come on, red light!  I have zero patience these days.  Don’t you know that???  HORMONAL LADY!

My head hurts…it’s only 9:00 A.M.?  You can do this, you can do this, you can do this.  It will be 9:00 P.M. soon.  Hmm, that’s weird, my Target order should have arrived yesterday.