What do you want from me, God?!

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares The Lord. Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  ~Jeremiah 29:11

As I sat down to write this post tonight, I became incredibly overwhelmed.  Where would I begin?  There are so many moments I want to share with you.  Eventually, I had to just walk away from the screen.  I went in the basement and prayed..."What am I doing, God?  What am I supposed to say?  Why are You calling me to do this?  WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"   And then I knew :)

"What do you want from me, God?!"  I can't begin to count how many times that was cried.  Right away after the miscarriage, I leaned on God.  I trusted Him because there was nothing else to do.  And then I started to put myself back together to prepare for the next pregnancy...one I thought would come right away.  As future tells, it didn't come, month after month.  And all around me, my friends, family, and even acquaintances were announcing they were expecting.  As happy as I truly was for them, it made me think about our baby.  I wasn't jealous, but I was crushed.  It was hard to keep my thoughts straight.  I didn't know how I was supposed to handle this.  Was I supposed to just show some super strength?  Was I supposed to reach out to these beautiful, glowing, pregnant women?  Should I just keep doing what I'm doing?  Am I just supposed to give up the idea of conceiving?  WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, GOD?

I wrestled with this question for a long time.  I really didn't know how to act.  I prayed each day to show me what I should do.  I needed a sign.  SOMETHING.  I couldn't do this anymore.  

And then one night I started reading my daily devotion from Proverbs 31 Ministeries.  And the answer hit me like a brick.  God only wanted me to do one thing.  His message was so clear..."Let go, I've got this."  He wanted me to let go and just trust Him.  Everything was out of my control.  I had to let go trying to fix it, trying to understand it.  He didn't want me to let go of the desire of having children, but I had to let go of the burden that surrounded it.  I had to put HIM above my own desires.

Sometimes in our lives we experience something that we can't control.  And sometimes the burden of that takes over.  And we wonder what God wants us to do with ourselves during those times.  And the answer is so simple...let go.  He's got this.  He's got you.  And when you really think it, that can provide one of the greatest reliefs and comfort you will ever feel.

I wish I could say it was easy to let go, but it wasn't and it took awhile.  And to be honest, sometimes I need to remind myself of this promise.  It has been scary to let go of something you want so badly with all your heart.  But God's message keeps finding its way back to the front of my heart, with a indescribable comfort knowing He is in control.  If you're struggling with something holding you down I pray that same message of comfort finds it way into your heart as well.  Just let go, God's got you....